When Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Get Too Attached
by storyytime
Summary: She is his reason, his life, his everything. His life is finally complete, truly whole. He wakes each mornig to her body curled perfectly into his. But, come on--Severus Snape never has happy endings...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just borrow.

This story is not happy. Don't like, don't read. I like reviews. :)

**When Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Get Too Attached**

I never thought that a man such as me, a cruel sadistic bastard, could fall in love. That intangible idea never even had a home in the abyss that was my mind, for it seemed so unfathomable.

Love, however, had in fact knocked on the door to my life in the most unexpected person. Who knew that a book-worm know-it-all Gryffindor would be my savior from an existence of solitude?

Yes, Miss Granger.

Hermione Granger.

She, with that insatiable thirst for knowledge, non-judgmental personality, and classic beauty, was able to crumble the walls I had spent a lifetime building around my heart.

She became my apprentice the year after graduating. I saw in her great potential. While working that year with her, we developed a friendship. Now, I see that perhaps it had been my only real, selfless friendship ever, excluding Albus.

As we grew closer, it turned into something more. She told me of her past, and all of her school-year adventures with The-Boy-Who-Insisted-On-Living and their incompetent red-headed companion. Hermione was the only person, aside from Albus, that I ever told about my past. I allowed her to see the memories of my disgusting childhood, my school years, the events that transpired which lead me to join the Dark Lord, and then the epiphany that lead me to become an Order spy.

We fell in love, despite the rumor that I am incapable of human emotions or feelings. Who would ever have thought that the one of the brightest students to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts would turn out to be his true love? A real story book romance.

But, as I said, I am a surly, vindictive pain in the arse potions master, and I guess life did not see fit to give me a chance at happiness. Here is why.

As I sat in the potions classroom, grading dismal essays and diminishing the ink of my grading quill, I looked up at the clock. 6:00. Hermione said she'd be home by five.

I brought my attention back to the essays, trying in vain to concentrate. Tonight was a big night. Hermione and I had made reservations at an elegant French restaurant, and I had left her under the pretense of just another dinner, nothing special. I mused over this as I slipped my hand into my pocket, feeling the small velvet box hibernating inside.

"Severus!" Someone had barged into my classroom, uninvited. Sneering, I looked up to be greeted by the worried face of Minerva. My sneer faded at her concerned expression, and confusion flashed in my eyes before I was once again hidden behind my mask of indifference.

"To what do I owe this visit?" I asked with mock kindness.

"S-Severus…" Minerva stuttered, a single tear escaping down her cheek. I stiffened.

"What happened?" I asked, unsure if I wanted the answer.

"It's Hermione… She went to pick a drunken Ron Weasley up from the Three Broom Sticks, seeing as he was unfit to transport himself…" Minerva trailed off, staring at the floor pensively.

"What happened, damn it!" I growled, standing from the desk, my heart sinking at every burdening word.

"They were cornered by death eaters, Severus. They were ill-prepared for the attack. Hermione was hit with the cruciatus…over and over again in a dark alley. Mr. Weasley left with but a scratch. She's in St. Mungo's…" Minerva was able to get in before I had disappeared down the hallway and out of Hogwarts, towards the apparition point.

With the familiar gust of wind, blurred surroundings, and slightly dismantling nausea, I found myself standing amidst a group of redheads; the whole Weasley gang, along with Potter and Dumbledore.

"Professor," Molly Weasley exclaimed, before bursting into tears. Not a reassuring sign, I tell you.

"Is she any better…?" Minerva asked, popping in just after Severus.

"Where is she?" I all but yelled, eager to comfort her.

Potter spoke brokenly, "S-she's not…good. She's had three s-seizures since arriving. She's not responding to any of the medical attention they are trying to give her. And her body won't keep the blood replenishing potions down…she's already lost so much."

"Where the fuck is she?!" I screamed.

"They won't let us see her, Severus… we're not family," Molly blubbered.

"Like HELL they won't," I yelled. I walked up to the first healer I saw, and slammed him against the wall, wand threateningly pointing at his throat. "Where is the room of Hermione Granger? Do not refuse me this information, if you value your extremities what so ever."

The healer looked up into my eyes and saw the honesty in their depths. He quickly pointed down the hall, and to the left. I stalked down the hallway, followed closely by the others.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Just borrowing.

Approaching her door, I stopped, preparing myself for what to expect upon seeing her. I took a hesitant peek around the door frame, and froze. She was lying in the bed, deathly pale and unconscious. My breath caught, for never had I thought I would have to see her in such a state. I fought the damned tears that were currently threatening to spill. I entered.

Sitting in the visitor's chair next to her bed, I kept to myself while everyone tried to converse with her unresponsive form. I needed to sort this out.

My Hermione. My beautiful, brilliant Hermione. My love…

She had been attacked, and I should have been there to protect her. My fault… I should have been there…

She will be okay. She _has_ to be okay. If she doesn't make it, I won't make it. I can't go back to life before her; when alcohol was my best friend and I lived to hurt because I knew no different. Hermione had changed that, the only person to ever bring true love and bliss to my miserable, lonely life. I need her…

I waited my turn, to be with her alone. I couldn't do this in front of them. If I tried to face this with an audience, I would lose it.

I had put my head in my trembling hands, when I heard, "Damn it, she's seizing again!" I looked up to see Hermione shaking, trembling against the restraining hands of her friends. The healers came rushing in.

"Everyone OUT!" the main healer yelled. No, I can't leave her now. I need to be here, with her. I need to.

"Severus, come _on!_" I heard Minerva shout. I looked back over at Hermione, being held back by the healers, and reluctantly made my way to the door. Minerva had put her hand on my shoulder, but I couldn't feel it. Couldn't feel anyone at that point, unless it was Hermione.

I sat stiffly in a chair of the waiting room, redheads and friends surrounding me. I was unsure what to do with myself. I felt like I couldn't just sit there, and wait. My stomach growled then, and I remembered the dinner we had planned, and what I had planned for after that she knew nothing of. I realized just how insignificant hunger was at that moment, sitting in a hospital, as well as all other basic needs. Fruitless, superfluous.

I looked up at the perfect time to see the person that indirectly caused my Hermione's pain, stumble out of a nearby loo. Something clicked in me. This was him! He didn't cast the cruciatus on her, but he may as well have! She had to pick up his drunken arse. If she hadn't had to, they would have been at the restaurant, and he would be proposing.

"Severus, don't do anything rash!" Minerva whispered next to me, obviously following my gaze. I do not like advice.

The next thing I knew, Ron Weasley was slammed against the wall, I the slammer. His eyes were dilated, clearly he was still inebriated.

"If you hadn't called her, we wouldn't be here! Why did you call her? WHY would you do this to me?" I knew I wasn't thinking straight, that my accusations and inquiries were ridiculous. But I could not persuade myself to care. Logical thought and reasoning were just not agreeing with me.

"B-but Professsssor, it wafn't my fault! I needed to get h-home!" Ron stuttered.

"So. Did. She." I growled. I felt the tears in my eyes, but refused to let them fall, refused to show my only weakness.

"Severus!" I heard Dumbledore call behind me, his voice a distant awakening. I turn to him, glassy-eyed and incoherent. His expression softened instantly as he saw me. "Let him go, my boy."

I roughly let him go. I knew there was no use. It was up to the healers now.

If sacrificing my life would save hers, I would skip merrily up to the Dark Lord wearing numerous Order endorsements. I would freely tell him my double-spy role, and hand over my soul.

Am I dreaming? Am I sleep walking through my waking life? Is this all a terrible scenario that my mind has made up, as a punishment for my torturous Death Eater years? Could this be just a nightmare, a dream so realistic that I wake up in a cold sweat, only to find my self holding her tiny frame to my chest?

I can't do this.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I borrow. Thank you to everyone that is reading this., and thank you to all the reviewers, although there aren't as many as I had hoped :( I warned you that it would be sad. So if you don't like this, I'm sorry. And sorry that the chapters are so short, but that is how I write.

Question.marks.n.broken.hearts (is that correct?)- Thank you for reading and reviewing all my stories. Your reviews make me smile. :D -- Like that.

--

"Ahem…excuse me, are Miss Hermione Granger's visitors present?" a healer addressed the waiting room. At once, we were all at attention. My heart was pounding in my throat, threatening to leap out and run to Hermione's room and leave my body behind. "There is no easy way to say this," the healer began as my heart took off in a sprint. "But I'm afraid…there is nothing we can do. Miss Granger has lost too much blood, we can not save her. I am so sorry…" the healer's voice faded.

As those words left his mouth, I was simultaneously contemplating the fastest route to the nearest roof, and if the distance from the rooftop and the ground would be sufficient space for jumping, to ensure my welcomed death.

No. No, no, no. No. No, no. NO! This couldn't possibly be happening. I felt the weight of the jewelry box in my pocket, heavier than before, as if it now bore the misery of the world in its velvet encasement. I felt the tears coming from my eyes with lightening speed, racing down my face. Everything seemed to be fading…

"Now, we have awoken her with a powerful spell that will enable you to…say your goodbyes. She has about an hour," the healer put, his blunt words hitting home in everyone's heart. He walked away. I turned stiffly to the crowd of people, all crying and shocked. I turned away, for each face I saw reminded me in some way of her. I looked at Ron, at the way he was trying to comprehend the words of the healer in his intoxicated state. She went to save his arse, and she was about to die. He would walk away with nothing but a hangover covering his path, and she was never to walk away from anything again. I can't help the selfish thought that came to me next: What will _I_ do without her? Was I to return to facing this cold, cruel world alone, while the only thing to ever make me smile lay buried in a cold, dark, and unforgiving pit? _Could I do this without her?_ Could I play this game called life without the prospect of her love to look forward to everyday? She really, truly was the only thing that kept me going strong. My heart was in pieces, the rest of my body well on its way to lonely destruction.

"Severus," Minerva started, and then faltered. I had told her and her alone, of the question I had intended to pop at dinner. I could not help the sobs that squeezed their way out of my mouth, nor did I try. I felt my life slowly slipping from my grasp, and I wondered if my numb legs were capable of carrying me all the way to her room. Minerva put her arm around my shoulders, to help me stand and guide me to where my beloved lie on her death bed. As this thought came to me, I had the urge to throw up the contents of my stomach. I somehow managed to stagger to her door, but froze. I realized that this would be the last place she ever saw: the white, miserably plain walls of a hospital. A sob escaped my throat. Damn tears!

I stepped slowly into the room.

"Severus?" I heard a weak voice coming from the hospital bed. I looked up to see Hermione gazing at me with confused eyes. Had they told her yet?

"Hi, love," I choked out, slowly making my way to the visitor's chair. I pulled it up close to her bed, grabbed her small hand, and held on for dear life. Literally.

"Severus, what happened? Are we late for dinner?" she asked, her big cinnamon colored eyes gazing up into mine, tearing me apart.

"H-Hermione," I let out a shaky, sob laced breath. "Do you remember anything? Do you remember going to Diagon Alley to pick up Ron?"

She contemplated my words. "Oh, yes! I forgot," she giggled slightly. I smiled slightly, while I still remembered how. Her smile faded, "But…I don't remember getting him home." Something flashed in her eyes, and recognition appeared on her face. "Death eaters…" she whispered.

"Love, the Death Eaters cornered the two of you, but apparently only had it out for you. Ron is left with a hangover. You were hit by the cruciatus…and your body won't keep down the blood replenishing potions," I explained, watching the emotions play out across her beautiful face. I raised my hand to her, pushing a stray lock of no-longer-bushy hair behind her ear. How was I able to explain this to her, when I felt like _I_ was dying?

"…And what does that mean?" she asked, almost reluctantly. I couldn't bring myself to say the words. She took my silence as the answer. "I'm dying?" she asked. I just looked at her. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, which broke the damn and allowed my own tears to flow freely again. "Oh no, I s-shouldn't have gone to get R-Ron. No, should have stayed home. My fault…" Her grip around my hand tightened. I got up to sit on the edge of her bed, and pulled her into my arms.

"No! It's n-not your fault. You didn't know," I whispered, more to myself. She laid her head on my chest, and began to cry, I along with her. I kissed her forehead and smoothed back her hair. After a few moments, her quiet wails subsided.

"So, how is my death being postponed? How am I able to talk to you, I mean?" she asked, her curious student-personality shining through, which almost brought a smile to my face. Almost.

"You are charmed to be able to live long enough to…gain closure, I guess you would put it. You have an hour," I said. I moved slightly to get up, but her hands on my chest squeezed tighter, as if she would never let go. As if holding her would save her. If it were only that easy… "I'm just going to get the others. They've been waiting as well. They only be here a short while." She nodded, and let go. I dragged my body to the waiting room.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Borrowing. Alright, I told you this would be sad. You were warned. Multiple times. And I know many of you will be upset by this chapter because you were looking for a happy ending. But please stick with me, because I think you'll like how this story ends. It won't be what you were hoping for, but it will give poor Severus the closure he needs.

--

"Severus!" Molly Weasley exclaimed, causing the rest of the clan to glance up as I walked into the room. "How is she?"

"She's dying! How the hell do you think she's doing?" Ginny Weasley erupted, bursting into tears at her young friend's miserable fate.

"If you wish to go and speak with her…do so now," I said, wanting nothing more than for them to just leave, and allow me my time alone with her. Alas, my wishes were not to be met, as they all rushed to her room. I followed.

Hermione was sitting in bed, teary eyed, when we came in. Molly and Arthur Weasley each walked to the side of her bed, and Molly enveloped her in a hug not nearly as tight as was her particular style, as though she was about to break. Hermione wore a flustered look as she saw all her friends in her room, about to bid her goodbye for good. Tears strolled lazily down her cheeks, and all I wanted was to be alone with her. Molly and Arthur stepped aside to let Minerva at her, who broke out in tears at her ex-student's fate. Dumbledore approached her next.

"Do not think of death as a negative event, but as a start to something where the fear of death is non-existent. Death may turn out to be a place in which one is able to fulfill their deepest fantasies, Hermione," Dumbledore spoke softly, reassuringly, the twinkle in his eyes firmly in place. "Do not be afraid."

"Thank you, Professor," Hermione whispered back. Ginny stepped up to her, and hugged her as she rambled on about how she changed her life and how amazing she was as a person. Then it was Harry's turn.

"Hey 'Mione," he said quietly through tears, capturing her hand.

"Hi Harry," she smiled slightly at him.

"I don't know if I can do this," Harry admitted. "I can't imagine a life without you. You've always been there…I need you to maintain that. I need you to be there, always…"

"Harry, you have Ginny now. You have Ron, and I will still be in your head. I don't think you will be able to get my bossy voice out of it," she laughed. "You will have the memories." Harry's tears never ceased.

"I love you, 'Mione," Harry said as he embraced her.

"I love you too Harry," she said. Harry pulled away, and Ron approached the bed. He was now sober, and took full responsibility of what happened.

"Hey 'Mione," he said cautiously, for he had no clue as to her current disposition towards him. "Oh Merlin, 'Mione, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gone out tonight. Every time I go out, you come and get me. I know I need to stop, and I will. I'm so sorry, it should be me," he said brokenly.

"Ron, I don't blame you. It wasn't you that cursed me. As far as always picking you up; that's what friends are for. Just promise me that you will get help; you can't keep living like this," she said.

"I promise. God, how are you so calm?!" Ron cried.

"I can't change it now…why bother becoming upset?" she asked.

"I'm sorry Hermione. I love you, and I'm sorry," he stuttered.

"I love you too Ron. And it's okay. Forgive yourself." With one last look at their friend, everyone filed out of the room, teary-eyed and unsettled, leaving Hermione and I alone.

She pushed over in her bed as much as her weakening body would let her, and I climbed into the bed with her. I took her in my arms, and she lay against me for the last time.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"…How much time is left?"

I looked reluctantly to the clock. "Fifteen minutes," I whispered. I felt her upper body slump against mine. I held on tighter. Only fifteen minutes left to be with the love of my life, the most important thing in my world. Suddenly, I had the overwhelming urge to forget that she was dying, forget that this would be the last time I would ever be with her… just forget.

I realized that my mind was not all with me, that I wasn't thinking logically, but I needed to ask her what I had planned to ask after dinner. I needed to. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring. "Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Hermione, marry me," I said bluntly, taking the ring from its safe encasement, and holding it up for her inspection. She looked up at me, extremely confused, presumably to see if I had lost my sanity. Well on my way, my dear.

"Severus…" she whispered, tears starting up once again.

"Hermione please, I need this. I have to pretend that everything is okay. I don't even think I can do this…" I whispered back. "Please."

"Yes. Yes, of course I'll marry you, Severus," she cried, smiling through her tears.

I slid the ring onto her finger, and she admired it as she lay her head back down on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair and sighed. It was almost time.

"Severus…I think it's coming. I'm tired," she said. Her tears were gone, and she looked up at me. I could see in her eyes that she had accepted her fate.

"H-hold on, just a little while," I pleaded, clutching her tighter to me. "Just a little…"

"I want you to move on Severus. Don't revert back to your old ways. Don't be upset that it's over, but glad that it happened," she said as a sob escaped me. Death was so near, I could feel it.

"I can't live without you Hermione, not when I know what life is like with you," I cried.

"You can, Severus. I love you," she whispered weakly. My lips met hers, and I kissed her for the last time.

"I love you, Hermione," I whispered back, holding her gaze for as long as I could. After a few more seconds, I saw the last light burning in her eyes, flicker out, and then her eyes slowly close. That was it, she was gone. I felt my heart plummet. On my own, once again, but this time I knew I couldn't do it.

The machine she was hooked up to went flat line, and the healers entered.

"We're very sorry for your loss, Sir," one healer said. I didn't acknowledge him. I was then forced to stand from her bed. I looked down, to see her face once more, although it was blurry due to my tears, before I was shooed out of the room.

"Oh, Severus," Minerva was blubbering in the waiting room when I walked in.

"Go home, my boy. Go home; we'll take care of the funeral arrangements. The ceremony will be held tomorrow afternoon, on Hogwarts' grounds," Albus said gently. I spoke to no one as I made my way miserably to the exit of the hospital.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: BORROW! It's the end of the road for this story. I know it was a sad, tearful journey. But hopefully this chapter will somewhat make up for it. THIS DOES NOT END IN THE WAY MOST OF YOU WERE HOPING. I will tell you that right now. Alright, thanks for reading this. Maybe my next story will be a bit less desolate. Anyway, review? Please?

--

A gust of wind, blurred surroundings, and a bout of nausea later, I was home again. I looked around at me and Hermione's rooms, and it was too much. Everything screamed her. Everything brought back the happy memories, memories that were presently unwelcome for they hurt to recall. I couldn't do it, I needed to do something. I went to the bathroom and, after much digging through the cabinets, found my old familiar razor, the one that had been dormant since the first date of Hermione and me. Slowly, I brought the razor to my forearm and dragged it across my skin, relishing in the pain it gave. The recognizable sting felt fantastic, and I watched the crimson liquid run down my arm, contrasting greatly with the white floor.

I tried to cut the pain away, slicing my arms over and over until I felt unconsciousness stroking and caressing its way over me. Finally! There was so much blood on the floor around me, but I didn't think twice about it. I fell to my knees as everything began to blacken.

--

I woke up around noon the next day, in our—my bed. Unaware as to how I was able to get there, I realized I didn't really give a damn. The funeral would be soon.

I still had my clothes on from yesterday, so I got up and walked out the door, not bothering to change. I felt the dried trails of tears on my cheeks, but didn't bother getting rid of them. I knew there would be more tears during the ceremony, so what was the point? I made my way slowly through the castle. I came across a few people, students and teachers alike, but none bothered to try and talk to me, or even looked in my direction for that matter. For that I was grateful. I was in no state to converse rationally.

I reached the exit to the castle and walked slowly down to the gathering crowd near the Great Lake. Walking a few paces in front were two older witches, both of whom I was unfamiliar with. They were speaking rather loudly, so I decided to eavesdrop.

"Such a tragic ending!" one of them said. Obviously talking about Hermione…

"Tell me about it, first she dies, and then him! Poor dears," the second one announced. Maybe not so obviously…? Someone else died? Who's him?

"Self-inflicted, it was. A suicide," the first one said, and I was unable to hear the rest of the conversation.

I reached the crowd and stood towards the back. I didn't want to be near anyone. I could see two caskets, but was unable to see the second occupant. Perhaps Weasley's guilt caught up with him?

Minerva and Poppy came and stood in front of me, with no acknowledgement from either of them. That's was odd…

"Oh, the poor thing. Finally has happiness served on a silver platter, then it comes crashing down," Poppy said quietly. What?

"I knew he wouldn't be able to do this. He kept repeating it in the waiting room, 'I can't do this, can't go back to life before…need her.' I knew it was only a matter of time," Minerva replied. My jaw went slack. Could they be talking about…

For the first time since waking up, I took a look at my forearms. Clean. Unmarked. No cuts at all. Oh god.

I walked closer to the second casket, and suddenly everything made sense. There my body lay, paler than usual and completely unmoving.

I killed myself? I slit my wrists...I hadn't really meant to, but I needed to do something. I needed to be with her…

My eyes widened as I felt a hand slip into mine, and intertwine our fingers. I looked up to see Hermione standing next to me, looking at my casket.

"Oh Severus…" her ghost whispered quietly.

"I'm sorry Hermione," I said, "I wasn't looking to kill myself. I just needed to get rid of the pain," I squeezed her hand. "But I'm glad I did, because now we can be together. I don't have to live without you."

She smiled at me. I looked down at our clasped hands to see the silver engagement ring on her ring finger.

"We're together again," she said happily. With one last look at the caskets, then at the crowd, she said, "Let's go."

And we turned our backs on the past, on the lives we had, and the bodies we once belonged to. We walked away from it all, and were ready to start whatever it was that happened in the after life. It didn't matter, because we would forever be together. And we would face together whatever death held in store.


End file.
